Updates - an overview

Sharing my updates

I had a bit of a think about what posts to include in this blog. At the forefront of my mind has been how I can possibly help others in similar positions, and aside from the usual "this is what to pack for hospital" or "this is what to expect from chemo", what I struggled with a lot was the admin. Maintaining accurate updates for my friends and family was tough, particularly whilst navigating the incredibly sensitive situation whereby there were facts I wanted to withhold from some people, in particular my parents. Not because I didn't want to be honest, but because they of all people would worry the most and I didn't want them to have to without a solid reason. Another issue with keeping people informed is that they don't often wait for you to update them, particularly when they care. Now it's a lovely position to be in, to have so many people care, but it's exhausting. Receiving upwards of 40 messages a day when you just want to sleep addles an already foggy mind, and you need to be sharp to fully understand what's happening with your diagnosis and prognosis. So multiple texts aren't ideal. Add to the mix that you can't always copy and paste because you've told different people different things... As I said, exhausting. So, for what it's worth, here's how I decided to tackle the problem.

I've started with some general points about how I approached the updates. From there, I'll share each of my mass updates so you can see the level of detail I went into. Yes, for some it was a lot of detail to receive over a text, but I never sent an update without always receiving more questions, so trust me, the appetite to know things will be there in your circles.

WhatsApp Broadcast

Many people are unaware of the WhatsApp Broadcast tool, but I find it brilliant. Essentially, it allows you to create a list of people to whom you can send an identical message. This isn't a group; the message will appear in each of your private chaps with each individual you've added to the list. NB: this function won't work unless you both have each other saved in your contacts lists, so just one to be aware of. I loved this function because it allowed me to update nearly 100 people simultaneously, whilst maintaining a private discussion with each of them.

WhatsApp "best practice"

I would say as numbers increase it's worth caveating your messages, for example, asking people to avoid replying unless they have something genuine to say or ask. It can sound harsh, but it saves hours in pointless reading and replies when a simple emoji tag would suffice. If they're on the list for the right reasons, they'll get it.

Another vital tactic, particularly if like me you struggle(d) to sleep and must fiercely protect any opportunity to nap, is to insist that people text you before calling. I was always reluctant to set my phone to Do Not Disturb - all of my phone calls from work, my GP and the hospital come from withheld numbers, and I refused to miss an update - which meant I was often woken by well-intentioned friends thinking they'd cheer me up on their walk home, but would actually set me back DAYS. Utterly soul-destroying. Say it early, and say it clear. Again, they'll get it.

One of my goals with updating people was to minimise how often they would chase me for information, but without me having to blog daily (yep, well done, Alex, nailed it...) to satiate the appetite for the latest with me. A simple tactic that helped with this was to state up front how frequently my updates would be. Obviously after a week or so the texts will begin to trickle and then flood, but I maintain there was an overall reduction when I told my friends to expect an update every 2-3 weeks (and to please not chase me before, if they could help it).

Switching to blogging

A few of my followers were kind enough to suggest my words warranted a blog, whether due to some ill-founded belief in my literary skills, or because they believed this would be an easier way to keep others in the loop and may even (I hope!) be a source of useful information to others in my position. It wasn't a choice I made easily or instantly, but the point about helping others hit home, hard. Yes, it's exposing to talk of such topics (penis surgery, sperm banking, infertile bollocks, crying myself to sleep etc.), but it's also cathartic, and what's more, if it makes a hospital stay or a surgical procedure a little easier for the next person to prepare for, surely a bit of embarassment is well worth that. To that end, if any of these posts do become of use, please drop a comment so that I know unveiling the story of my dick surgery wasn't entirely in vain.

And finally, here we are. The blog. I've decided to go big and hit up Instagram too (majorballache) in the hopes it's easier for me to update my nearest and dearest in real-time with poorly-taken photos. So know that I've explained the rationale behind how I chose to update my friends and family, I should probably begin to share those updates.